i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
