I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My ATM looks so different sober.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
