DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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