I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
