We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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