Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Alive.
So much puke
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
