I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
