No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
