Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
