she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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