Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
