It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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