That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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