I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
