at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
