He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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