You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
