I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
