I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The ass gains better be worth it
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