i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
