I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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