dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
