wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
