Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
