You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
