dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
