I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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