i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
