we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
