I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
