I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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