there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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