need another drink. this is the easiest way
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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