There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
