I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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