Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
