I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
