i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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