Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
