Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
