end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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