Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
not ubering you a puppy
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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