Quick, to the slutcave!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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