Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
