Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
