my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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