I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
