i wish there were pregnant emoticons
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
