elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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