you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
