Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
